Adios 2009 and welcome 2010

2009...was it a good year for me? Has it made me better? This is the first question i need to ask myself as i prepare myself to say a BYE for this. 2009 has been great in terms of personal life and to professional life, but spiritually, it is STILL THE SAME or may be a bit downwards, considering that i spend less time in prayer and more time with my Wii...

Should i feel guilty about this? Is this because i got married and i have a genuinine reason like lesser private time? A part of me wants to believe the GENUININE reason, but the other part of me is calling it bluff already...I agree that time is not really an excuse, considering that i do spend around 9~10 hours in sleep and i can probably live with a 9 hour sleep and use the remaining one hour for meditation. So, what is the real reason?

Another part of me tells that i might have spiritually evolved and may be i see GOD not just in my prayer room..The excuse i'm trying to make here is that prayer doesn't need to be done in prayer hall but can be done everywhere. Again, my mind is being overzealous in making me believe things that are hardly true..If i look seriously deep within, may be i spend about 10~15 minutes of my drive to work and back home on spiritual topics, provided it was a good day..But, as soon as i enter the office building, i forget about god...Essentially, i'm not taking GOD with me to work, but instead I make him wait in the parking lot next to my car..Somehow, taking GOD with me to office place never worked..I guess, he will be uncomfortable with all the office politics and backbiting...I'm not going to play rosy eyed optimist here and i do acknowledge that i've become better at politics or may be i will confess saying that i always had a flair for office politics... So, this excuse of ME suddenly becoming philosophical and more evolved in spiritual practises doesn't work...

What is my next excuse? I have to think a bit...hmm...aah! here it is:Prayer is a state of bliss and i'm able to attain it with WII, i don't need prayer..The argument here is that prayer is not the end, it is just a means of attaining bliss. Why do i need to worry about spirituality if i can find bliss?...This probably is the most wiliest argument so far my mind has come up with. I do agree wholeheartedly that i'm a lot happier in 2009 than i was in 2008 or 2007, but does this really mean that i'm experiencing eternal bliss? I do see myself going back to anger or sorrow or the general feeling of helplessness once in a while (or more than that), but i guess, it would be impossible to have that eternal bliss, unless i'm some supremely advanced master. But, wait a minute? Am i arguing that once i find bliss, i can just *dump* GOD? Hmm...on a very superficial level, i can just say *NO* and fool myself to believe that i do indeed love god..But, if i dig deeper and start looking at motivations of my prayers and the reason for my frequent visits to temples, i'm afraid to admit that it is TRUE.

For some unexplainable reason, i do fear GOD. I do believe that GOD will punish me (or deny me) happiness if i do not follow certain rules that govern me to lead a moral life. Not that i have never strayed, but on the whole, whatever goodness that people find in me has been somewhat because of my fear for him. FEAR is the keyword here, not love, but fear...It doesn't mean that i don't love GOD...i do love him, but FEAR is also a motivation. I feel that i need to remember this more strongly than the rest of the content here...Every time i become self-righteous, Every time i have the temptation to judge people, to mark them immoral or sinful, i need to remember this passage: that my rightenousness is not my own virtue, but it is rather a example for my cowardice.

Where am i heading with this topic? Now coming back to the original question of will i dump GOD if i found bliss and contentment? I have no answer. I do know that my motivations of prayer and meditation are not arising purely out of divine love.

To sum it up, the lack of my prayer time was mainly due to me getting pre-occupied with other aspects and i do wish to change that as i enter 2010. I'm not divine and there is work to be done in my case as is with everyone else. I wish that in 2010, i will have a dedicated prayer time and that my prayer time will come because of me wanting to pray and not out of fear.

Amen!

Habits never die

I was cleaning some books and notes after my recent office move and i suddenly find this greeting card with the image of a budhhist monk sitting intently at meditation and a tag line that goes something lik "NO MATTER WHAT ROAD I TRAVEL, I'M GOING HOME"..

I open the card and see that i bought this last year while returning from copenhagen after i was disillusioned with my previous team. I had some handwritten notes around how not to expect things in life, about how not to worry about progress and success etc. At that time, it sounded motivational and probably inspired to make that big leap, but now, it totally seems out of context :-)...what with the big push i have been making for the next promotion and all, about my desire to achieve seniordom and be appreciated/acknowledged for all the great work i have been doing...isn't that ironic? We talk about religion in times of disappointment and then move over to materialism at the first smell of success?

Food for thought for me is that i have this innate habit of competing and it is a mountainhill for me to become all serene and non-competitive. But, does religion exist for only those who are comfortable about accomplishing nothing? Do people like me remain in this world of materialism? I have no answers...

On the way to copenhagen

This week i had been to copenhagen...this was actually my second trip, exactly a year later. The last time i was here, i was in a transition phase...just like the traveller who has lost his way and was wandering in the same place over and over, knowing that he wasn't getting anywhere and because of that was getting frustrated. Why frustration? Why cannot he simply try something else? Because that requires backing your instincts and doing something different than what he usually does. Did he do that? A curious reader might ask...let me say that there was no other option left other than to do it...this is my other theory...if something is bound to happen to you, it will happen eventually, no matter how much you try to resist it...just like that annoying salesman who doesn't quit ringing the door bell until you open the door..So, success and failure are not one-time shots...they are recurring opportunities that you need to grab or avoid...In the end, life is not about winning or losing, it is about living, enjoying those little moments of joy, keeping your self intact when you are scared and then backing your instincts and doing things that you shouldn't regret LATER.

This time of the journey was more about a traveler who has finally found a way that was going somewhere and who was zealously working his way up on the path. It was about admiring the scenic beauty on the way, taking the time to take those byways and wander into something beautiful and then coming back to make up for the lost time by taking a quick sprint...it was more entertaining and the changes of wind are surely working...

What do you learn from this? Well, i learnt that in life, there will always be mistakes and that you should never be afraid of making mistakes...in fact, failure is a parcel of life and the only way to avoid failure is to never do anything...the sad part of that is that you will never get to experience life...Apart from all these cliches, i'm strongly becoming a proponent of doing something where you stink so that you never get your head becoming all big and you can appreciate to admire everyone and to recognize the fact that you are not perfect, just like everybody else..

On the whole, this trip has been about reminiscing the old days, seeing that things always have a way of working out for themselves and then thanking god for being there, guiding me in life and helping me to become a better person (although far from where i believe i should be).

Amen!

P.S: I have had some interesting conversations about liberalism v/s conservatism, big government v/s little government, but in the end i'm coming to the conclusion that both have their merits and demerits but the one that looks at things in positive attitude is what i will support (and hopefully god will as well)

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Wats going on?

it has been a long time since i wrote and i dont even know where to start...many good things have happened and some occassionally small glitches have happened as well. I spent my birthday in vegas, which was fun...can you imagine? On your birthday, being in vegas, surrounded by the lights and looks as if the whole city is one big cake with all those shining candles, eagerly waiting for you to blow them off and make a wish...i was with some family as well and it was a fun day...Did i make any birthday wish? Yeah sort of...it has been a long time that i have been wanting this and i thought it might be good to put it in action this year...well, meditation and yoga! it has been a long time since i even bent my back, so any attempts at yoga might be material for comedy...i remember the last time i tried it was definitely like that...I will try to search some yoga/meditation classes in the next few weeks of holidays and will try to find a place where i can go and practise regularly. Well, wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed :-)...May be, i will come back with a smile and become the typical stereotype that people associate with yoga practitioners...

Books? What have been upto? I have been reading the tale of a divorced lady and her attempts at reconciling her life in italy, indonesia and india...it is called eat,pray and love...the book is kind of interesting and eliminates the usual drama associated with relationships and makes it a very personal, firsthand narration of how people attempt to deal with problems and how they get back to life...Afterall, life has to move on and sometimes you have to forget your miseries and move forward in HOPE!

Time to live

We have plans for everything, but do we have plans for living? This is the question that popped into my head suddenly and i realized, interesting...do i really have such a plan? We are busy planning the next decade and so on, thinking on how to increase our 401(k)'s, stocks, ESPP, bonuses, but do we have plans on how to make life better? Every new year, do we stop and think about what happened last year and how we can make next year a better one? Not necessarily does this mean self indulgence or splashing money for luxuries, but more from an internal perspective...like, what things caused me grief and how can i overcome them? what simple things that could have been done from my side that would make others happy, what little luxuries could i have foresaken to give some necessities for others etc...Well, today, i feel like, there are many people who are struggling for basic things and here iam scheming for the next promotion or payrise? Is it worth it? In the end, do i even care for these? Probably not...Of course, this doesn;t mean just run with the wind or go with the flow approach, but simply, plan for things, but don't get too attached...Attachment is the source of all suffering....Feel the pain, but remove the attachment....

Now, the lighter side...i read a forward from my sister about world ending or probably ending for most of us and leaving for the lucky rest after 2012, 21st Dec, 11:11 Am...i'm not sure whether it is am or pm, but what the hell? If i know it is that date, 12 hours won't make a difference...There was a sense of relief first when i read that, dont know why, but somehow, the heavyweight we carry everyday was gone, albeit for a fleeting second..Next moment, my mind warned that, these doom sayers were in business for a long time and they keep moving the date conviniently from one decade to another...However, now i feel that, there is no harm in believing this one...Afterall, it is only 3 years away and may be i can see it or even better, live to tell the stories to the future...3 years of life is a long time and probably, i should live life to the fullest...and then if i survive, then think about the future...and if i don't make it, what the hell? I would one of those many lots that were wiped off...Just kidding, but if you happen to stumble onto this blog after the D-date, remember me ;)

Watching life unfold

Today, i just want to write about life unfold...it has been a year since i got married and all i can say is, i cannot believe it is already a year!!! Last one year is probably the time where i have seen things unfold and on my part, i adopted a quite sedate approach towards life...moderation, probably has been exercised more than what i ever exercised in my life until now, and that i believe is the road for my salvation...not doing anything out of the blue, not being dramatic, but being normal and to say, being quite ordinary...Budhha after 12 years of rigorous penance realized that his salvation (and human salvation) lied in moderation...hence, the whole buddhist idea of moderation...Same goes for me as well, i guess..Not to get to attached to any idea, including the idea of non-attachment. The way, i have read about things, have seen them in the society, i always believed that there should be some grand moment, that brings a life changing moment, but in reality, atleast from my experience, GREATNESS doesn't need a grand entry...why am i talking about all of these? Probably to dispel my own notions of how things ought to occur..Anyways, as i started believing that my salvation lies in moderation, i need to dig that area a little more...the first and foremost obstacle is: our own SUCCESS...it is easy to talk about work-life balance and restraint when we are not doing well, but how can you profess the same qualities when we are doing good? How do we dispel our own greed or yearning for instant success? i think, remembering GOD as well as realizing the fragileness of life...this doesn;t mean that we should start thinking of death and other morbid things whenever our boss smiles at us or when we get a raise, but may be, have a reminder that just life offers us candy, there will be times when it will offer us stones and we should retain our composure in both...Another thing that we need to have is be aware that we are different than others and everyone has to carry on with his own journey, in other words, no peer pressure..sometimes, we feel happy when we see cross by folks, but we shouldnt focus on just crossing people...define, your own journey and stand for it...

As i have promised moderation, i should probably end the blog soon and let my ideas sink in for a while, before writing another one...Until then, adios...

Journey to paradise

What does paradise look like? Can we find paradise on earth? Some seemingly normal questions, right? Well, my trip to europe was like that...NEAR PERFECT. It is not perfect because of the panaromic views, serene places and all...but it is perfect because my mind was uncluttered, i had no worries and FINALLY i seem to find a reason for my existence. You want to know the reason for my existence, or for that matter, your existence or the reason for the existence of any person or plant or animal on this planet? IT IS SIMPLE...TO LIVE....As easy as that. It can sound cliche, it can sound so untrue, but it is....To live is the most seemingly simple thing to do, but like all simple things, it is hard to explain on how to do it and it has to come from self-experience...

Europe to me has always been a fascination, right from the days of my school...reading about alphs, the greenery, lakes and the history...i wondered if i could ever go there? As i posted earlier, it has come true. Being in a place where i wanted to be and doing the things that i imagined to do, this is the first time i ever had such a feeling...i had many other wishes, like joining a good company, finishing my masters and so on, but they never gave the idea of fulfillment...somehow this did....is it because i have better understanding of life now than i did before or is it because this had nothing to do with future but living in the moment? I dont know...whatever it was, the feeling was truly unique...afterall, being thankful to GOD is such a wonderful feeling to have.

Couple of incidents that made me realize the greatness of god:

a) An early checkin in amsterdam: When i first realized that my checkin was at 3:00 pm and i was going around 7 am, my first reaction was panic. After a 9-hr flight, the last thing you want is to hit the road and see some museums, right? I felt guilty that my planning was not so perfect and that i need to immediately book for an extra day. However, before i started doing that, some voice within me asked me to WAIT. Why wait, you might ask? I say, i dont know the answer. Somehow i felt that i should stop planning EVERYTHING and i should sometimes adopt a more move with the flow attitude. Some people can find this as an excuse for laxity, but in matters related to GOD, you have to trust your inner voice. My inner voice kept telling me that, trust the divine providence...I'm a control freak, i book everything in advance, i plan every bit of things and i also buy all sorts of insurance, just to avoid the worst thing. So, with such a background, can you imagine how hard it was to let go? On my way to amsterdam, all i could think of was a angry receptionist arguing that she cannot do an early checkin, me and my wife dragging those heavy travel suitcases across the streets of amsterdam, me paying a ridiculous amount to find another room etc, etc.....But, when i actually ended up near the hotel and got a room straightaway, i couldn't just help but to thank the divine providence. This is a simple incident, but it taught me to trust DIVINE PROVIDENCE. It is one thing to plan but it is totally another thing to just trust your own self...There are scenarios and there will be scenarios in life, where no matter how meticulously plan, things will not go in accordance with what you think.

b)Scenic view of eiffiel: When i was first planning a visit to paris, i wanted to get a hotel near eiffiel tower. People laughed at me and said that i shouldn't do out of the place and in a strange place, it is always better not to try something new. They suggested, i stay at a place that our tour operator provided. Some mocked the whole idea of me trying to see eiffiel tower from my hotel. Their reasoning was: dont try new things when you don't know the place. But, my inner voice kept telling me to go out of the comfort zone and do something new. It told me to do the research myself and get a place near the tower so that i can see it in the night. Lucky, that i listened to my voice as not only did i get a good hotel near eiffiel, our hotel room was upgraded to a scenic view, which meant, i can just open my bedroom curtains and there it was eiffiel in all its glory. This had never happened to me before and i could sense the work of GOD. Of course, it doesn;t mean that god is there to provide you upgrades, but i feel vindicated that GOD lets you achieve the things that you strive for and stand up for.

For me this europe trip was about letting go of control and living life in the moment. It is easy to do this when you are on a vacation, where don't worry about work or think of the next promotion or house, but is it possible for this attitude to work in real-life? The answer is YES. It takes hard work, it takes patience and most of all, it means TRUSTING GOD AND LISTENING TO YOUR INNER VOICE.

Omsairam!

P.S: I had my luggage torn on my way back, as you can see in another post, though i grieved about in the moment, now after a while, i feel it is ok to let it go...Afterall, northwest could destroy my luggage but not my memories from this wonderful trip.

NORTHWEST SUCKS

why am i writing this? Just to have an entry on the web so that some innocent traveller bings it (or googles it) and then escapes from the peril of travelling on northwest airlines...

After travelling zillion times on flights, i was surprised to see that my luggage was lost (and later destroyed) for the first time...i wondered about why this happened to me and then i realized that i had never travelled on northwest airlines (nwa.com) and this was the first time i ventured to do so....I even survived the notorious AIR INDIA, but couldn't survive the all-american NORTH WEST..

Well, losing the luggage was one bit and then receiving a battered suitcase was another...The funny part was that, the airlines sent the destroyed baggage to my home and then wanted me to go all the way back to get it inspected so that they access the damage...And the less i talk about their customer service, the better...i met a scumbag who thought i was a morone and was trying to explain to me their ridiculous rules and their customer policy, if there is ANY!!!!

The moral of the story...TRAVEL NORTHWEST IF YOU HATE YOUR LUGGAGE...

P.S: TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO NOT TRAVEL ON NORTHWEST AND BUY YOUR ENEMIES OR YOUR BOSS A TICKET ON NORTHWEST

watching dreams come true

Tomorrow is a journey that is going to take me to a place that i said i would visit some 18 years back atleast...i remember as a kid when i used to tell friends that someday i would go to europe and see the alphs....i don't know why i said that or what made me feel like that, but reading about europe, the alphs and the mighty danube river made that boyish enthusiasm take over and let me speak to my heart's content...Some might have laughed over my dialogues, but in the end, with god's grace, it is good to see one of my dream;s come true...oh, yeah! there are more awaiting, but i do know that none of these will be fulfilled until the almighty himself takes mercy...And yeah, you may think that money, power, fame or something might help you achieve your goals, but in my case, that didn't help...Anyways, i'm pretty excited about this and hope that the memories i take away from this trip will continue to stay in my heart for a long time...Now, what do i dream next? A month long sojourn in tibet and a trip to manasasarovar.

You are not in control...

i was reading this yesterday in a zen book and today i had a very similar experience that actually shook me to the rooots...problem with human mind seems to be mainly around building up sand castles and then crying vehemently when those get washed away with the tides of time...Expectations around people, situations only lead to disappointment...why then should i worry about these? I should let krishna guide me and lead me...have a smile on your face and then live your life...like they say in hindi, "sar utake jiyo"...

One useful thing i read about in the zen book is the phrase:IT WILL PASS...IF SOMEONE PRAISES YOU, SAY IT ALOUD AND IF SOMEONE CRITICIZES, SAY IT AGAIN....then you would have no worries and you would eliminate the need for constant re-assurances..

Seniordom and more

I noticed lately that my mind has started to wander mostly about work, about getting things done and most of my thoughts are about work-related...this is of late making me uncomfortable in my spiritual life as that is my quiet time and thats where i notice this pattern...i console myself saying it is review time and probably my thoughts are going there, but i dont think that is the reason...the real reason is my craving to get to seniordom. i'm basing and timing some of the things of my life based upon this status and hence a little added anxiety...to be honest, i know, that doing something that u cherish shouldn't be based upon something else, as that makes it event-dependant rather than time-dependant and that is too much dependency...Also, probably, i'm attaching too much importance to this whole business of seniority anyways, since, if you are capable and confident enough, you should be able to march to your own tunes....May be that is the key for me, to stop thinking of senior status and start thinking of growing my skill-set...Also, corporate life is going to be there for another 20 years easily, so why worry about the timing of things now? May be get wider exposure, take calculated risks and then in the end, due to some cosmic magic, GOD will set everything right...That brings me to another topic that continues to haunt me:meditation and yoga classed...when am i ever going to get the concentration to shut out the planet and just focus on serenity for atleast one minute? When will this soon to be thirty year old get the focus and discipline that is a must for meditation...well, only time will tell, but right now, i'm atleast starting to ask the right questions (for the nth time)

Who is the best father?

In the purunas, there is a role model for every relationship like:

RAMA: IDEAL SON

RAMA/SEETHA: IDEAL COUPLE

YASHODA/KRISHNA: IDEAL MOTHER/SON.


but what about the role of a father? What mythological figure signifies the ideal father? Does this mean there are is not an ideal father? Or is the father figure the one who has to remain un-idealistic so that his children can grow?

Ten things to do in my life

It is almost 11:40 pm and it is a quiet sunday night...my mind is in quiet mode right now and is waiting like a lull before the storm...tomorrow is another tough day at office as there are things where i haven't found a foothold yet and i'm struggling too, meanwhile the review time is coming off, which means thou shall reap the rewards of your work or thou shall lament for missed oppurtunities....illuminati have said that i've done a good job, but still my heart isn't contended or happy, for illuminati actions are very unpredictable and hence the dilemma...

Anyways, i've been pondering about being a little more personal here on the blog and start scribbling the ten things (or more) to do in life and then actually do them or carry over those ambitions with me for future...i'm not sure if it is a good idea since many people who knew me read this blog, but yet, most of them already have an opinion about me and hence there wouldn't be hidden surprises...of course, a little bit of discretion will also be maintained by me, since i wouldn't post things that i shouldnt be posting....in such a scenario, my mind again tells me on why the hell should i make them public and post it here, if i'm always going to have a hidden mode? Well, didnt think of that until now and now, i get the feeling that my whole idea of publishing my ten things to do is probably get some attention onto me, like those bollywood/hollywood damsels who do that for free (read cheap) publicity...How deceptive is the human mind really and how far does one need to go to understand this? 

This essentially means that this is yet another blog that has got nothing on it and yet it does fill up the space and words...the only good thing is that i'm protecting the environment as all this trash talk is not written in paper, hopefully preserving a tree for may be another second...but, the computer i'm using this to type this and people who will use a computer to read this would spend more energy than that and have already wasted more energy than i saved with that one second of the tree life....Does this mean that people should talk or do something only when something worthwhile comes out of it? Imagine such a world and then see how much of the clutter goes away...or may be it is not a good idea afterall? If people act only on useful things, then they have a lot of time to think and that means a terrible time for the world...Why did they have more wars in the old days than today? Don't get it? Go out and watch for yourself? You see a dude with something in his ears? You see a lady with something hanging around her neck? ipods and cell phones, man! And well, you might say, that is for the outside, surely, they must be thinking at home: nah, again go inside and see...you see some black box or probably a thin, huge screen or those black boxes around that screen...they are called the TV and the XBOX...and if you are really wiped out and cannot even sit, you still have laptops...that means, a man cannot for a single second in his life get time to collect his thoughts? Again where is the time to think? But, wait  a second, if human life is designed to be less thinking in the modern age, how am i able to think about all this? 

The bigger the better

Where have you been? Where were you? We were missing you....I could hear all these voices, screams and many more things in my mental vision and hence finally took time to write about a blog, albeit a short one....I've been you see, lost in life...a trip to bay area, a trip to many of the houses in my neighborhood for a supposed hunt of bigger houses and well a chasing in my professional life for a bigger post...well, bigger is better!!! isn't it?

apparently it isn't, a journalist supposedly of indian origin finds out in manhattan newyork and migrates to japan!!!! Well, it was good and here is the link.....

http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/07/the-joy-of-less/?em

Anyways, i've to run now, but i will be back to my blogging, to my analysis of my thoughts, lectures on morality, greed and many more.....Man! I'm on fire today!!!!

God bless!

Humiliation and more

As i stood there, reading out loud my lines, i knew i was pretty succky...pardon my language, but my audition was what you would call five minutes in hell...being trained as an actor, i expected better from myself, but the last two auditions were very poor by any standards (even by mine) and hence the added disappointment and dejection.

As i came out of the hall, a huge relief crept over me along with the a sense of disappointment and humiliation and many of those negative things that you can usually associate with defeat. The only good thing was that my so-called performance wasn;t taped and i wasn't made to watch it later and also, it was a closed room audition, so no booes and not many people who have the misfortune of watching it...Seriously, i can blame it on many things:preparation time, font size, poor script, unhelpful casting crew, stars not properly aligned etc...

So, what to do now? Should i audition more and go through all the humiliation / disappointment / hurt feelings? Or should i simply quit accepting the fact that i cannot be good at everything?

Four years of my life.

This saturday, i completed four years..i wont say where, but a journey of four years has been done and i'm wondering, was it worth it? Life, they say, never leaves your prayers unanswered. So, it is upto you to be careful about what you pray for. I remember the days when i thought this was a blemish on a faultless, blemishless, snow whitish life...how confused was I? And after i made every effort to get it, i wanted to throw it away...how silly isn't it? What if the same pattern followed everywhere in my life? I desire for things, i make effort to achieve them and then i want to throw them away and start over? Will people like me never find happiness? Does happiness always lie in the next thing to earn? I'm not going to go cliche here and talk about happiness has to come from within and all that, let us face it...most of us parrot away those lines any way and for lay men like me (and probably many folks like me), it is all too enlightened...

Coming back to the four years, i now think i probably wasted them away...don't confuse that i idled them away...nah, most of the time, i was busy, probably too busy and never really gave much time to think about what i cherish in life and what i wanted the most...the biggest problem i see with myself is that constant need to perform better and being a fast learner (in some things), i probably do things better, the things that i dont care about deep within and yet that spotlight of doing something makes me feel important in my head and before you know, you have spent four years of your life, travelling in a direction that you dont want and now you dont really know where to go next..

So, what do i do now? I'm not going to say feel good lines here, unless they come from within...you helplessly look to the heavens for answers...astrology, numerology, scientiology, basically any power that can guide you and show you the correct path...or reassure you that dont worry, some how, like a fairy tale where the princess always gets her prince charming, you will also get onto your right path...you dont have to make any hard decisions, nothing, just keep going, just somehow, you will end up on the right path and everything will be a happy ending..Is it wrong to be optimistic and to be wish for a happy ending? may be not, but how, my brain starts analyzing..but, what is that happy ending, another question pops into my head, a second later...I envision, god screaming from the top of his voice, "Ask!And ye shall be given"...Just ask my son, think about what you want, spend some time soul searching or whatever the latest hip word is, and ask me and it will be granted...Somehow, i cannot settle on that one thing...my life is too busy to think for what i truly want and even i somehow took time to do some soul searching, in the end, my mind is happily lost in the daily conundrum, the very next day and the huge ego drives me away into the wilderness...

What do i truly want? In my hay days (im not old) or rather, four years before, i wanted something, really bad, i dont know whether i deserved it, i dont know whether i really wanted it, but i wanted it...at least, i thought of a destination, a dream...but now, i dont have a dream...i lost it for i did too little and i dreamt too big and in the end, somehow, i spent these four years in a different direction and hence that dream has vanquished....well, almost..there is that little spark that comes up now and then, but now i left it to god)...

Now, I dont have a goal..I see many people on my path having kids, progressing in their career, building houses, buying lands and so on...but that doesnt seem appealing to me...my mind tells me that it is not the path for me...i'm greedy, i'm materialistic, but there is that one part, probably my soul or may be my superiority complex, that tells me, this is not the road for you, this is not why god sent you here...then a second later, i forget...basically, what i see is a conflict within myself on settling upon a goal (or dream...i dont know the difference) and that in this conflicts, whatever selfish or unselfish goals i set get destroyed...Shall i call it the battle between higher and lower natures? or battle between reality and insanity? I dont know...whatever it is, the net result is that i dont have a dream...

So, what should people like me do? Like ants, we toil and toil and toil, in the hope of building something and then one day we look up and see that we are carrying nothing but sand..

Anyways, i will end this with a prayer...i know these four years that i spent, i did something that deep down i dont truly care about, these four years, i could have done something, i could have been some place, but o lord, what can i complain about? You are listening to me, waiting there anxiously to see what i will ask for and then even before i finish my sentence, you will come and grant my wish true..unfortunately, you will need to wait for some more time...for i myself don't know what i want, that wisdom has to be granted by you, the very wish that can change my life and give my happy ever ending, what is it? I dont know...I want that wisdom lord, the wisdom to find out the wish that will make me truly happy...

Omsairam!

Traveller

I thought i was going on a journey,
on a trip to discover myself, to experience life,
to a place where none had gone before,
a island that hasn't been inhabited before.

As i walked on that road, I dreamt of many things,
a small and simple abode on that island,
surronded by green and lucious grass,
with flowers of all colors neatly trimmed.

I dreamt of a room for the almighty,
a place where i have my deities properly arranged,
a corner where i sit lotus legged and meditate,
dwelling on the almighty, away from the worldy desires.

I dreamt of an isolated neighborhood,
empty of the noise that i come across every day,
no people to gossip with, no people to compare with,
and no judgements to worry about.

I bore the thundering storm, I bore the chilly nights,
I bore the sunny days, I bore the thirsty journeys,
And i did that all with a smile on my face,
in the hope of reaching that perfect world, my utopia.

After many years of sufferings, numerous years of travel,
i saw a distant land, my dream land, my wonderland,
And the sight of my destination set my spirits high,
and let my mind thank the lord for that amazing gift.

A few years passed by and alas it wasnt what i expected it to be.
My calm senerity was no longer there,
the lushious grass was no where to be seen,
the trimmed flowers gave away to vicious vile.

My dreams, my thoughts were smashed away,
my hopes, my aspirations completely destroyed,
Left with utter isolation, left with abject humiliation,
I had nowhere to hide and nowhere to go.

As i sat there crying, utterly helpless,
with no energy to move or no will to go,
I prayed and i prayed asking for help,
for a miracle that would take me far away.

Years passed away, but i did not budge,
nor did i make an effort to leave,
for i believed in the power of the lord,
thus spent away my time praying for his mercy,

Only at the end did i see it for what it is,
Traveller that i was, i chose my own path,
charted my own route, walked on my own terms,
all the while, I chose what to become of me.

Astrology, Numerology and other logys

Thats how im spending my private time these days...spending and figuring it out in logy's....

For the past few weeks, the astrology bug has bitten me (again) and i'm super excited about reading and deducing what my sun sign, moon sign, ascendant, pluto, venus, mercury, jupiter and all the other planets in the solar system mean and how their placement in various positions of my horoscope affect my life...one is a charm and two is a nag, but in my case, it has crossed tens and leaping towards hundreds, i avariously google all the possible astrological sites and try to deduce, what am i born to do, what am i destined to become and then see if i'm doing what im destined to do...get it? my folks dont and unfortunately neither do i? but the hope that there will be this one reading that will give me the silver bullet and the underscored version that im born to do great things and that wonderful things will happen to me that is keeping me searching for more. Unfortunately, i dont seem to find that one reading and so my search continues...of course, you cannot blame the astrological folks for how can they tell all that in a free, automated reading...Anyways, it is not even the greatness factor that is making me do all this, it is me trying to find out if my life is where i wanted it to be...Is it wrong to search for answers? Is it futile to attempt to do all this? The question that bugs me is why dont i exactly know what my life is for and where i should be going, like a journey that i take...i know, i know, all this spontaneity and not being in the moment c**p, but wouldnt it be more enjoyable if i know that things will happen to me...that way, i know when to give up and when not to...and who said that things have to be done in surprise to enjoy them? A father knows he is going to have a baby (or a mother) and do they care less or dont savor the moment, when the baby comes? And for the bad times, imagine, how relived people will be, if they know that the job they are working hard for will be gone or something else...my point is that in case of good things, people will enjoy it the same and in bad things, they wont be pained as much....so, my argument here is that GOD has erred by not giving us clairvoyance capabilities...

Another complaint i have is his hiding behind the veil or whatever, if there is such a thing called GOD, then why does he have to be away from us? why cannot be with us? i know, i know he is always next to me watching us, helping us, but why not give a voice to it, why not give a face and above all why not give us the realization that he is god...i need god not for all the miracles he can do by correcting me, by helping me solve my problems, but just for the simple fact that i can talk to him and that he will give me his lending ear...i know there are many, many trillions of creatures that need him, but for a person of such intellect and capability, that shouldnt be tough, right? in effect, i want a guide travelling with me, listening to me, advising me and making sure that i reach the place where i headed out...i know, i know, he is omnipotent and all, but for a person of my intellect and capability, i need a physical or a huge billboard showing him to me...

God! i hope you are reading this, i hope you are listening to me...this is not a traditional prayer where i'm kneeling to you, or nor am i in a church...i'm in my drawing room and i'm sitting on a cushy couch and also anxiously watching at the kitchen stove to not attract someone's ire...i hope you still count this as a prayer, i hope you still take mercy on this confused, perplexed traveller who lost his way (or should i say doesnt know his way??)...how would answer me? Answer me! not through my soul or other ways, i want an answer from you, the one and only god or the many gods that some religions proclaim.....I want an answer and not a sign...

Omsairam!

Reminiscences followup

It is a thursday...call it divine intervention or my own human body, I woke up early enough and am still in good moods....As my mind is thanking god for his divine presence in my life and as many, many memories of him saving me pass through my mental vision, I cannot, but help, to describe what the other side of the world is that i so callously wrote last time....nah, i take it back, i cannot call it the dark side, for it is also a part of me, may be an ignorant side....take it back again....i think both sides are good, for the search in the darkness leads a man to light...

In my previous post, i asked many questions about my identity, my purpose, my goals and my dreams...now, in my new post, probably i'm going to refute what i said and start all over again :-)
As i woke up this morning, a sense of thankfulness swept over me and i realized that never in my life had i ever been found left wanting, not in the mundane sense that all my wishes were found fulfilled, but all my needs were taken care of! I visualized god as this loving mother who treats her children with utmost love and always makes sure that they never go to bed hungry...but, this doesn't mean that the kids get a free ride and have whatever they want...like a caring mom, she feeds her kids the foods that wont spoil their appetite...the mother loves the kids, but cannot give whatever the kids want for the fear of spoiling their health....If we take the above analogy, the kids cannot argue that i've a want for these and u are the one who caused the desire, so satisfy this...Ok, coming back, GOD has given me what i needed but not what i wanted...and knowing this, i have to be content with my life and move on with renewed optimism and passion.

Another thing to remember (cliche alert), is whatever happens is for my good...any experience i have, instead of wondering why it happened to me or whether it is useful or not, i should experience it...Life is not a race to worry about targets, instead it is an adventure, where we sometimes just need to experience the journey...or rather put it this way, if you dont know where you are going, then simply enjoy the journey....Cliches, cliches and more cliches...but what can i do? to be honest, i meant what i am saying right now...

reminiscences

Today was sort of very nostalgic, reminding me of the old days or good old days rather...We went to the streets, the paths, the footwalks and all those places where my foot prints were there for the last three years...It has been quite a while since i visited those places and today was the day when i saw them again...A nostalgic feeling swept me off...i started reminding myself of the days, when i had the fire burning within me, never letting me stop, instead make me work everyday to something new...to be frank, in those days of solitude, i thought the idea of life was to never sit idle and instead do something....Now, life seems something else suddenly.. ..everything becomes relaxed, no victories to attain, no defeats to worry about...life has suddenly transformed itself into that soothing, slow fishing exercise...Is it for good? Is it for bad? Can someone who has been surviving on high testosterone levels survive this and bear this? The answer is, he is blissfully unaware of this until now...But, five months, i should say is a short time and probably his heart would yearn to go back into that life of high action or may be it would settle into the quietness of wanting nothing except that peace and joy...

Is this what my life's destiny is? A question arises in my mind, making me shriek..i have come from the heaven to live the life of a commoner, my ego starts pulling me...common, you must definitely be better than that...what about all those dreams that you have dreamt of? what about all those high mountains to climb, those forts to conquer, those masses cheering and rooting for you, while you come out...shall none of these materialize...if living the life of a middle aged married man was my destiny, then what unique life have i lived? many questions start popping into my head while the thrist for identity consumes me.....what shall i answer my heart? how shall i satisfy my ego? I don't know...Born and brought up in an orthodox family, my heart instantly places the burden on the lord and like a trained parrot starts telling me that his will should be accepted no matter what happens? but who knows what his will is? Has he given me a note about that? Nope...Nada, nothing...this whole spirituality business is too subjective, too much left to contemplation and in the end comes back to what your heart says...but my heart is driven by my ego and by some higher sense, so the answers i get back aren't consistent...a messiah, a saint, a public persona....many, many images pass through the inner eye and yet my heart doesnt settle on one...then how can i trust this to help me judge my life...whats it that im striving for? I desperately look at tarots, sun signs, moon signs to help me establish my identity...i hear it is a normal life and then i see jealously towards people who have gotten what i wanted and question, are they happy? some of them arent...they wanted something else..seems like nobody is getting what they want...then why did the great almighty send us here, by separating us out from him??Again with the religion...seems like religon and me are inseparable...my mind seems to place everything on god...is that my destiny? a quiet desperation shows up on my face...is it what i will finally end up as? not likely...for that door was closed by me...why? why so much confusion? why cannot i find my identity? why isnt the almighty there? again with the almighty....whats this? in all this chaos and mistaken identitites, i realize that i'm more like a leaf thats just being swept by the current of water and has nothing that it can do...if thats the case, why do we speak of free will? why does the great god give me brain to think? why isnt it more mechanical, more rehearsed so i know what has to become of me...if i'm destined to a mediocre, average man, why does he flame the thoughts of greatness...why not come out and tell me...or is that what he is telling me right now? through my inner voice?

As usual, i start asking a lot of questions in search of a clear answer, but fall flat on my face with even more questions...like a spider's web, im completely entangled...completely helpless and what can i do know? well...wait for the spider to come and devour me.

Valentine's Day

For the february fourteenth is arriving,
the day that some look forward to,
and the day I dread, for I had none to
share my feelings and express my love.

This year was different, for a new relationship was blossiming,
And to make it a perfect one, i embarked on a journey,
to find the right gift, the one that express my innermost feelings,
And the one that tells her how special she is to me.,

Greeting cards are in abundance,and in many forms too,
starting from the teen love to the elderly love,
Every card trying to be as poetic as possible and as effusive as they can,
so that they can express how i feel about my woman.

Hallmark tells me that they will say her that she is the reason for my wanting to live,
and i cannot help but ask, how have i lived all these great many years?
American greetings tells me that they will say her that she is the perfect one,
and i pause again to wonder, doesn't perfection take effort and time?

Flowers tell me that they alone can mesmerize a woman,
with their pleasing aroma and their colorful petals.
Before, i can narrow on one, they tell me not to rush,
for each flower has a story to tell.

Giving a Red Rose tells the woman that i love her the deepest,
while a white one says that our match is heaven made,
A yellow conveys my joy and admiration for her,
while a lavendar conveys my smittenness with her.

As i try to figure out what color of roses to give to her,
i see a whole line of lillies, daffodles, daisies and much more
each screaming to me to ignore the rest and choose them instead,
as they and only they can truly convey my feelings..

And as i stand there, contemplating on what to do,
I see chocolates of all textures, colors and sizes asking me not to forget them,
for they have always remained a woman's favorite,
and they would be needed to set her mood up.

And again, i see another whole bunch of soft toys,
bears, dogs, cats and many more, both real and mystical,
telling me that i can mesmerize the woman by giving them,
as their soft and cuddly touch will remind of our times together.

As i stood there not knowing what to do, i was dazzled
by those gold-laced ornaments, pearl necklaces, diamonds
and much more, flying in the air screaming to me, that
jewelry remains a woman's best friend in this digital age.

Amidst all of this confusion, i stood there standing,
helpless, utterly helpless, not knowing what to do,
for i want to proclaim my love her in all those ways,
read her all those poetic lines from those effusive cards,
give her those wonderful boquets of flowers,
make her eat those mouth watering delicacies,
dress her with all those exquisite jewelry,
fill her bedroom with those soft toys,
give her everything to make her yearn for me for a lifetime.

As i push myself into that wonderland,
i have a glimpse of those moments, those special times,
when we were alone together, when we spoke about
our future and our lives together,
never had she mentioned of any of the above except for my love,
and that makes me feel sorry that i thought of her in such a shallow way,
for i realized that she cares for my presence and my love than anything else.

And how shall i make her happy this valentine's day?
I realized that i had the thing, that special thing to
make her happy all along and yet i wandered around.
The gift that neither dazzles her nor is exotic, but yet
touches her and makes her appreciate me more,
my true love and my solemn promise that, what may come,
i will be by her side,in happiness and sorrow as well...


I LOVE YOU!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Surrender

(one of my older posts)
I dont know what to write. I really dont know. Did i want whats happening to me? Or is it something that i derived out of my own foolishness? Whatever it is, i hope it is for good.I hope that this was baba's will and not my own superimposed upon him.

But, the question is can i superimpose my will upon him when he has taken me under his protection? Can a devotee still err when god has showered mercy upon him? More importantly, can a disciple have his own will after he is taken under his masters wing? Somehow, i get the feeling that it is not possible for a devotee to have his own ego and existence after he surrendered to his master. Interestingly, i dont even think that it is the disciple who choses the master, it is other way. If i look back, i dont think i made any conscious effort to be a baba's disciple. I didnt even really know much about baba until that fated trip of mine with kavitha pinni and her family. Even there, it wasnt all instant lights out and things like that. I kind of started knowing about him and then as time went by, he protected me, sheltered me and gave me oppurtunities to learn or rather he had done everything. The only thing that i might have done..nah, i take it back. I take it completely back. i dont think i can attribute anything to my own will or actions. Whatever i had done, good or bad, i attribute it to him.

Now, i feel relieved. I'm not scared of my future anymore. Promotion or no promotion, Exceeded or no Exceeded, it is god's will. Whatever happens to me is out of his infinite mercy and protection. Baba's will is what i believe and baba's power is what i seek protection with. If everything is being done by baba, what can i do? Should i just sit down and relax? Should i do behave as i wish. It is a tricky question, this concept of self-surrender. It is a deceptive path as will, similar to its cousin: free will. Human mind or rather my mind is more attracted towards pleasures. I'm not sure what i can really do out of my own consicousness since i just said that baba was the one who has taken me and i have no will out of own. The only thing that i can possibly pray for is the strength and endurance to face troubles, if thats what he wishes for me or alternatively pray for self-discipline and self-control, if pleasures are what he chooses to bestow upon me. But even then, who says that baba wants me to have self control if he choses to shower pleasures upon me? or suffer patiently if troubles are what he chooses to give me? This effectively means that nothing is bad or out of god's will...Anything & Everything is god's will. So, now, i dont even know what to ask for prayers. Or do i really need to ask something everytime i pray to god? May be this is it. May be this is what i have been searching for. NOTHING. May be this is what god has made me realize. That i dont need to wish for anything. Now, if I only can keep this realization for eternity within ME.Wait a second...i take it back!

Good old days

I hear people say the phrase good old days,
and i would say, sorry, folks listen to me,
for, i believe the newer days are much better!

I would say kids love their parents much more now,
and why not? They bend their backs to raise me up,
and then babysit my children, while i'm away making big bucks,
Alas, i can never repay their debt,
for when they need me, i'm either away or my kids need me.

I would say wives and husbands have equal rights now,
In the old days, While the husbands oppressed the wives,
all they could do was sulk in the dark with tears rolling down,
it is no longer one person oppressing the other, it is equal oppurtunity,
The one with the larger voice wins, the one with no restraint wins,
and if both of them were unrestrained and louder, dont panic,
for you can divorce and try again.

I would say friends love each other much more now,
and why not? who can they share all their photos with
or gossip on the phone twenty hours a day,
when photos and phones are free,
Alas, i can never repay their debt,
for when they need me,my phone goes busy.

I would say we have become less brutal,
and why not? In the old days, they thrust those big knives
into each other which were heavy and take forever to kill,
but now, thanks to the modern science,
i can wipe off a nation from the planet at the click of a button,

I would say social awareness has gone way up,
for in the old days, it would take ages for that old,
tired, pigeon to carry the news ,
but now, i get at the click of google,
i can find out who got killed in the college shootout
how many kids died out of mal nourishment and hunger.

The only problem with the newer days seems to be,
that people have been attached to their ipods and laptops,
and none seems to care for the person next to you,
And there goes another society defunct, just like the romans and the greeks.

EAT OR BE EATEN

In this corporate world, there is only one principle to survive: EAT OR BE EATEN!

I know you may think that i'm above all these, i don't care about the rut, let me live my life my own way, but after a while, it gets to you...the excitement you get when you are in the STAR CATEGORY gets to you eventually and then you sacrifice your family life, your dreams and all you care about is winning that god forsaken race that you didnt even want to be in the first place..This may sound depressing to you, but unfortunately, the sad part of the story has not started yet...

As is common, after a while, you plateau out and what do you do then to be in the STAR category? You learn from the wise guys, read the guys who are in higher positions and then they teach you about those magical buzz words: team, morale, leadership...No more is the importance of taking an 'initiative' as important as here...this doesnt mean that you do something for the common good, instead it becomes making the commoners do something for your own 'good'...This kind of culture isnt isolated to one person or a group of persons, but slowly becomes the culture of the company and the society as a whole, for people want to be successful, right? And who better to learn that from than the successful people themselves....hypocricy, subserrviency to superiors, self-righteousness and a dollop of putting other people down...all are critical for a person to make it here..And whom can we blame except for this corporate culture that promotes individual dominance and idiotic bull heads?

I feel disgusted that i, too am part of this and i too have followed the path of success...but like a helpless sailor, i've watched my ship sail deeper and deeper, while i tried to steer away from it...i may have made money, i may have got reputation, for i know that it came at a price and the price was my SOUL!

I've a dream and it may not to be change the entire corporate culture, for it is too big and too beyond my reach, i've a simple dream and that is to promote togetherness, to promote the ideals of a one society whereever i go, read, some company that was founded on the principles of brotherhood and where merit is rewarded by how successful your team was and not on how successful you were...but, i know that there are very few companies that promote this utopian culture and that they may not pay me huge bonuses or grant me rich rewards, but they will give the one thing that i need the most: the feeling that i have got my soul in tact...

For whether this will happen now or in the far future, i dont know, but i do know one thing that there will be a day, when i will no longer be under this muddy,bloody waters, but i will be above, much far above these that i dont even notice the mud anymore...but, until that day, i pray to the almighty, that he protects my soul and keeps it intact so that it can one day shine again....

Amen!

The mirror of aracet

Harry potter fans! refresh your memory, for in those few moments alone, J.K. rowling passes a undeniable truth and a profound message to you..In the sorceror's stone, harry is flummoxed by the mirror of aracet and then those few pearls of wisdom come from the wise dumbledore (richard harris was brilliant even in such a small role)...

Basically, the mirror of aracet shows a person as if his deepest wishes were come true and only the most happiest person can see exactly himself in the mirror...

Even within us, there is this hidden mirror that prevents us from being happy...if only i had that job, i would be the happiest, if only i had that relationship i would be happy...unfortunately, my friend, if you look at "external" reasons to make you happy, then you will never be happy or your happiness will be short-lived,for the world is of constant change...Yours truly was and is a victim of such thinking and even though he realizes that, yet his mind deceives him and makes him believe that certain things will bring out the happiness to him...

what can we do? We know that happiness has to originate within and we know that external pleasures cannot give us everlasting happiness, yet is it possible for an average guy to live without having wants? And the other tempting question is, is there a place on earth where a person can live without wants? Both of these questions are tricky and i guess the answer is NO. It is not possible to supress the wants nor is it possible to run away from them...Even a monk in the himalayas cannot escape maya...

Does this mean then that we are born to suffer in this endless cycle of wishes..Isn't there any respite? The scriptures proclaim that surrender is inevitable...either you surrender to the maya or to the one that creates that, OUR LORD. Surrender yourself to the lord and ask for her intervention...make him the sole object to wish for, and then the rest will automatically fade way. If i cannot stop wishing, then let me wish for the absolute and purest wish...the company of my lord, my savior! This doesnt stop other wishes from sprouting up now and then, but making the lord ultimately wish will show us how pale and narrow minded these other wishes are and will make us avoid the disapointment and anguish when we dont achieve them...There will be relapses, there will be those occasional sorrows, but ultimately, the lord will help us weather out the storm and will remove the veil that separates out us from him.

So, next time, the mirror of aracet shows up, make sure that you see yourself bowing in front of the lord and praying to his holy, 'lotus' feet.

Omsairam!

The second one

As per the hindu scriptures, there is a belief that something that has been started shouldnt be stopped at least till the third day or else it will not go on smoothly..keeping in mind that tradition, im going to do it for one more day and then after that probably update this blog weekly and/or when i happen to get a chance...Single folks can probably get that a chance lot more often, but for married guys that doesnt happen so frequently....for chances are few and far and those chances have to be wisely used...

Anyways, i want to talk about freedom today for my tagline says that "a bird chained and blah, blah,blah"...what is true freedom? Freedom is pretty subjective and for me, it means to be able to have no attachments...but how is that possible? For a man (or woman), in this materialistic world, it is difficult to live without attachments...every work we do, every action we take, we expect something and slowly those expectations cause attachments...alright! since i know that expectations are a hindrance to my freedom, can i simply do my tasks without expectations? but in that scenario, wont i be dispassionate? Won't my work suffer, if i simply make it a 9 to 5 job..im taking work here as an example, but it can be relationships as well...isnt it? if i just take my role as a husband without expectations and worse without attachments wont i become too mechanical? Then, does this mean that a person who wants to have freedom and experience become too dispassionate and have the word 'emotion' sucked out of his life? Even, if it were possible to do that, how will i live? Wouldnt it be like living like a robot?

Or probably i'm thinking about it all in the wrong way...may be freedom doesnt mean that i shouldnt have attachments....may be freedom means with or without attachments, i should be the same...As a husband, i should be able to love my wife, treat her in the best possible way, but always remember that i'm a separate entity apart from her...this means that i shouldnt be completely be dependant to her..and the same goes for everything...dreams, aspirations, family and everything should be evaluated in the same aspect...but, if we start applying this for everything, then we should also apply it to my freedom as well...this essentially means that even though i dont have the freedom, i should be able to experience freedom...at this point, i'm completely lost...does this mean that a person who has absolute freedom doesn't necessarily yearn for it? Does this become like another sensory part of me like my being able to see, taste, hear and happens in the subconscious?

What does all this rambling tell me? I'm not sure...what is absolute freedom? how do we get it? Or is it possible to get it? So many thoughts, so many questions and yet so little time to analyze it...Lets hope that we get to analyze more and someday understand the true essence..

Omsairam!

Third one

Today is my third post and i cannot believe it...it has been quite a while since i thought of something and actually accomplished it...

Number 3 in hindu mythology places a significant part: as per hindus, there are 3 entities governing the universe:brahma, vishnu and maheshwara...out of these, brahma is the creator, vishnu is the preserver and maheshwara is the destroyer.

Maheshwara signifies destruction...Another correlation would be that maheshwara has three eyes and the opening of the third eye signals destruction...Probably number 3 might freak you out, but there is another side of number 3...maheshwara is the lord of renunciation, and the opening of the third eye is referred as removal of the veil between self and the almighty...

Does this mean that destruction is not always a bad thing? Probably so...for how can a person get a new perspective without destroying the older one.....how can the mind move to the lord if it lingers around the senses? May be destruction is not a bad thing esp. if it can get turn you towards something better, towards something more progressive...like a phoenix burning its older body to a newer one, may our old habits that kept us down be cast away...

Yet another beginning

I've created blogs for sometime now and have also had the habit of dropping them off mysteriously...either due to my own inner 'voice' or my other outer 'voice'...if you are single, you will never get to hear that :-)

Anyways, i'll not quit on blogging and i will continue to blog (& delete them) until someday when i realize the true purpose of my blogging...just like life, i havent yet found the reason for my blogging and probably that is why i go in circles of creating and destroying them...Ok! since we are on that topic, let us attempt to define the purpose of my "blogging"....is it a way of me saying to the world, this is how my inner voice sounds or is it more of an anonymous person scribbling his thoughts since he cannot to voice his opinion on them?I think it is the latter...but, as with any work, the ego will hinder your progress with all sorts...i hope im not making myself look stupid or the other way...look at my blog, i can do this as well...but, as lincoln said, if we always look at the hindrances, we can never get 'anything' done...

BTW, for all visitors who opt to leave your comments, dont say, it is a wonderful blog and all...make it to the point and leave something only when u have some content to talk about...there goes my ego again...sorry, chill and leave anything you want even if it is like, stop being sooo negative..or you suck!

Well...hope i can keep blogging...

Omsairam!