Thats how im spending my private time these days...spending and figuring it out in logy's....
For the past few weeks, the astrology bug has bitten me (again) and i'm super excited about reading and deducing what my sun sign, moon sign, ascendant, pluto, venus, mercury, jupiter and all the other planets in the solar system mean and how their placement in various positions of my horoscope affect my life...one is a charm and two is a nag, but in my case, it has crossed tens and leaping towards hundreds, i avariously google all the possible astrological sites and try to deduce, what am i born to do, what am i destined to become and then see if i'm doing what im destined to do...get it? my folks dont and unfortunately neither do i? but the hope that there will be this one reading that will give me the silver bullet and the underscored version that im born to do great things and that wonderful things will happen to me that is keeping me searching for more. Unfortunately, i dont seem to find that one reading and so my search continues...of course, you cannot blame the astrological folks for how can they tell all that in a free, automated reading...Anyways, it is not even the greatness factor that is making me do all this, it is me trying to find out if my life is where i wanted it to be...Is it wrong to search for answers? Is it futile to attempt to do all this? The question that bugs me is why dont i exactly know what my life is for and where i should be going, like a journey that i take...i know, i know, all this spontaneity and not being in the moment c**p, but wouldnt it be more enjoyable if i know that things will happen to me...that way, i know when to give up and when not to...and who said that things have to be done in surprise to enjoy them? A father knows he is going to have a baby (or a mother) and do they care less or dont savor the moment, when the baby comes? And for the bad times, imagine, how relived people will be, if they know that the job they are working hard for will be gone or something else...my point is that in case of good things, people will enjoy it the same and in bad things, they wont be pained as much....so, my argument here is that GOD has erred by not giving us clairvoyance capabilities...
Another complaint i have is his hiding behind the veil or whatever, if there is such a thing called GOD, then why does he have to be away from us? why cannot be with us? i know, i know he is always next to me watching us, helping us, but why not give a voice to it, why not give a face and above all why not give us the realization that he is god...i need god not for all the miracles he can do by correcting me, by helping me solve my problems, but just for the simple fact that i can talk to him and that he will give me his lending ear...i know there are many, many trillions of creatures that need him, but for a person of such intellect and capability, that shouldnt be tough, right? in effect, i want a guide travelling with me, listening to me, advising me and making sure that i reach the place where i headed out...i know, i know, he is omnipotent and all, but for a person of my intellect and capability, i need a physical or a huge billboard showing him to me...
God! i hope you are reading this, i hope you are listening to me...this is not a traditional prayer where i'm kneeling to you, or nor am i in a church...i'm in my drawing room and i'm sitting on a cushy couch and also anxiously watching at the kitchen stove to not attract someone's ire...i hope you still count this as a prayer, i hope you still take mercy on this confused, perplexed traveller who lost his way (or should i say doesnt know his way??)...how would answer me? Answer me! not through my soul or other ways, i want an answer from you, the one and only god or the many gods that some religions proclaim.....I want an answer and not a sign...
Omsairam!
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