Let go of EGO

I admit, i was not very respectful towards GOD sometime last week...i felt like i was a victim and that whatever has been so carefully cherished by me was just brought down in a manner of month...I wanted god to be responsible for that and even though folks say it was my ego, i still contest that it was GOD who is responsible...after all, if all my successes are his doing, then so do my failures. There is nothing wrong with that, but feeling like, i was never lent a helping hand by god and then cussing him was probably something that i wont be proud of...

I don't like bragging or looking at my achievements, but looking at where i began and where iam today, i do believe, quite a considerable amount of progress has been made (in every sort of way) and i owe this to almighty (or my dear baba)...I still remember that uncertainity when i cleared GRE and my dad was ready to spend his hard earned money so that i can do masters...i do remember how scared i was as i had no financial AID and no confidence to get a job..but, somehow things worked out...somehow, GOD helped me...I remember those summer'02 days when my job was to clean computers and to apply for those "unpaid" internships...However, all of that changed when i got a programmer analyst job and a paid internship at MS..Needless to say that baba should get the lion's share of credit...Then, again, when destiny turned its evil eye towards me, GOD helped me stay on the path, start with a small but most importantly a full-time job and then propelled me towards MS, where i did have some memorable times...A lot of these events, i know that, i owe it to the almighty...It may not seem a big deal now since i'm one of those 90,000+ employees...but at that time, it sure was a big deal...The point i'm trying to make is that i was never deserted by GOD...in fact, whatever troubles he gave me, actually helped me appreciate the end result more and increased my confidence..Baba never promised me lasting success or comforts, but he did promise me to attain the strength to bounce back and to not stay low...

If i look back in the last ten years, where i left my home and family, i can for sure say that GOD has been my family...He may not speak to me, or be even visible to me, but he sure did, follow me in my good and tough times...I'm not stupid to say that what i got is because of me...So, then comes the question of why should i feel sorrow if i lose something, which is not achieved by my capabilities to begin with? If baba has done this, then there is something wonderful waiting for me..or may be not. May be god wants me to take a different path where success is not measured in the same worldly terms, but in different terms of satisfaction and contentment and where success is subjective....

I stand at the same path as i was three years back and i do see that life has a way of coming back to the same places over and over again...The choices i made then were different than what i will make today....However, i pray that whatever choice i make, i make out of noble ideals and not out of spite or contempt. I should forgive people for their mistakes and i should forget whatever grudges i behold on others...I have sinned as well and i have caused misery as well, so what right do i have to hold others accountable?

God, i pray that i stay this way.

Omsairam!