Shirdi and happiness

Since i have been talking about shirdi, dwarakamai and baba, i want to talk about this today. This thursday, i was at the temple and was doing my pooja...However, my mind was vacillating  and there were times where it almost went to real world. After the pooja was over, i felt very empty. I had the feeling that nothing has changed for me in the last 17 years i have known baba...my vasana's are strong as ever and my morality is very much the same. I don't seem to have changed as a human being and my interest in the materialistic world is strong as an ox. So, the thought was, what use was my prayer? what use was my spirituality, if it cannot guarantee me peace? After these many years, i'm still feeble and i cannot control my mind nor its randomness. It affects me, controls me every bit and i'm a slave to it just as anybody. My mind seems to have lot of ideas but no execution plan. It seems to be that eternal critic that destroys everything i build and then later propels me to destroy the next thing that i'm building...What use is spirituality when it cannot control my own mind? It is not like i want to not embrace spirituality and go 180 degrees the other way. That also doesn't interest me. So, the question that i had and the dis enchantment was if you are a person who cannot be happy when you are almost a whisker away from god, then what will give you happiness? I don't want to be like a billionare or the greatest guy on the planet...i just want peace, peace and peace. However, whenever i seem to get to close to peace, my mind kind of stimulates me into destroying that and forces me into something else. A person hankering for peace would settle down in one place and then will maintain a routine. However, i don;t do that and i seem to hate the idea of a routine. At this point, i'm as clueless as you around understanding what i want and the only thing that i seem to like is the idea of being in charge or control and not having anyone sit above me. Good luck in finding such a place, may be in an unreal world? but, it is not like i'm asking GOD to grant me my wishes, obviously i do not want that. I'm asking him for peace and the power to not listen and pursue every single thought that pops up into my mind, which seems to be working overtime these days.

Besides, shouldn't all of the things that i'm praying for happen automatically? You are like in shirdi and you are seeing baba...shouldn't that destroy my confusion and make me feel serene? It doesn't seem to happen in my case and my monkey mind is tormenting me. Please don't tell me that not all of the people in shirdi benefitted from baba's presence. Or am i like that unfortunate ones who being close to GOD cannot benefit from it? If that indeed is the scenario, what else is left for me in life? Should i just accept the fact this very unfortunate fact and continue? Or do i wait for the fact that something miraculous will happen that will change my very way of life? Or will there be a third alternative where i will organically be changed? That seems to be a realistic scenario where i transform, but given my state of progress, it will take a long, long time for me to actually change...

Omsairam!

Art of finding happiness

How do you find happiness? This is the thought i have been researching for a long while and there seems to be no apparent answer. Everytime i think i know the answer, the cruel fate smiles back telling that i'm always close to its clutches..does this mean that happiness is as close as the mirages in the desert? some wise people say that happiness can be found not outside but inside? but how i ask? we are social beings and this means that we live in the outside world..then how can i find happiness inside? Does this mean that i should run away to a cave nearby to find happiness and shun the entire outside world? Some say live your life by doing karma but not expecting anything out of it? Again, how can someone possibly be some sage like in their attributes? How could you be so away from your ego, greed and the rest of the cowardly attributes that seem to plague simpletons like me? I read  sai satcharitra, i read holy books, i meditate but yet happiness is a dream to me...i don;t know how it comes and i dont have a clue on why it leaves...sometimes, i'm tempted to think that happiness is a step away from me and that i will find it soon, but that next step never becomes the current step...what use is money if it doesnt make you feel worthy? what use is a house if it doesnt make you secure? what use is a job if it doesnt give you peace? Am i the only one who suffers from this? I sometimes look at my father and feel that he might have cracked the code for finding happiness..He is a moderate man and seems to be in content with what he does...may be that is the secret of happiness..be content! but unfortunately, i'm not like that...contentment is a taboo to me and does this mean that i'm genetically wired to never find happiness? To write one blog after another wondering what happiness looks like? What is the solution, my mind asks? I look at it and give that helpless grin...

Missing someone

Yes, i hate to say this...i hate to admit it...i miss someone and not in that filmy style with tears rolling down, but in a different sort of way...how do i say this? Like a surfer missing a warm day, like a romantic missing the moon light and like a gardener missing spring...thats how i miss someone...I remember dropping her off at the airport and then realizing that someone who has been with me for quite a while will not be there and that i will be all alone...what fun is life when the moments cannot be shared with someone? like having a wonderful cake that has to be ate alone or a beautiful drive to be seen alone...boring, isn't it? However, the good side of this separation is that you realize the worth of the other person and that you see how life can be without them...Glad that this is only temporary...

Promotion and Pigs

My friend told me this story a while back at the time of my first annual review when i was getting anxious about my performance review.

Apparently the king of gods (lord indra) once while travelling in air with sage narada happened to look down on earth and saw a bunch of pigs sitting merrily in filth and mud. He was repulsed by this and asked sage narada on how the pigs could live there? Narada told indra that he would not understand how it would be to live as a pig and hence he cannot judge it from outside. Indra who was not convinced by this challenged that he would transform himself to a pig and would show to narada that he was wrong. Narada agreed to this merrily and thus began the experiment. Indra transformed himself to a pig and joined the pigs on earth. He slowly started losing his memory and he convinced himself that he was a pig.

The gods were in chaos after a while since their king was missing. They searched for him everywhere assuming that he might have gone to a better place than heaven. However, all their attempts were futile and then finally they happened to meet narada who told them the exact location of indra. Hearing this, they did not believe him and asked narada to take them there. Narada took them there and told them that indra was the fat pig which was merrily enjoying the excreta and covering itself with mud and dirt. Devatas were shocked to see this and they approached the fat pig asking it to come out. The pig refused and told them flatly that there was no better place than this for it. Besides, it got cozy here and doesn't want to move its ass to somewhere unknown. The devas assured that any place is better than this and that it should come out. They even showed a glimpse of the heaven and the apsara's. However, the pig refused flatly. The gods were confused and prayed narada to help them out, for how can they go back without their king? Narada went to the pig and told it that it needn't come...however, he would appreciate if it just came out of its mud pool once. After that, it was free to go back. The pig agreed and came out of the mud and looked back. It was surprised to see where it was living and slowly it dawned that he was not pig but lord indra himself.

My friend told me this story telling me that when it comes to performance, try to set your aims high and not low. You can train yourself to expect a promotion or you can train yourself to learn something new. You can train yourself to get a pay raise or you can train yourself to make an impact. At the end of day, your mind will be busy spinning cycles based on what you set your goals. If so, why be content with lowliness?

vinayaka chavithi

Today is vinayaka chavithi..we celebrated it successfully with the blessings of baba and lord vinayaka..we celebrated it last year as well, but this year i liked it more...perhaps, it was the time to understand what equilibrium is, last year. We played it on youtube and i found it useful...i was never a fan of technology in spirituality, but this is one where i support whole heartedly...the you tube videos ran for more than 90 minutes, but i liked it...time passed by, we did our pooja, heard the story and somehow my mind slipped into the good old days....my child hood, my parents, my grand parents and my family...

I remember we used to celebrate very seriously...it starts with us kids following our dad to the market place to buy the vinayaka statue...We had this custom of keeping the statue for one year and then doing the nimarjan the following year...So, whatever statue, we bought, we kept it for an year...my dad is very acute about the details and we kids got to see each statue, examine it, the color, the hands of ganesh, their direction and after some examination, he would triumphantly pick one out..We probably did this a few days before the vinayaka chavithi to avoid the crowd...All the flowers, leaves and fruits, we would either buy it on the day of festival...I used to the proud accompice since my sisters were given other tasks,like washing the idols, decorating the flowers and as a guy, you can get away with stuff on festival day...I remember the market used to be crowded and we would be talking to vendors, trying to bargain with them and then filling our bag with all different things....i wonder if anyone knew whether the leaves and grass we got was actually holy, or whether it was some grass from the near by bushes...but, it is INDIA...in matters of GOD, we don't reason, we do it out of faith.

Once we reached home, it was the time for decoration...my sisters and dad would do the work while my mom was busy cooking different dishes...i always remember my mom doing everything single handedly for festivals...we would start the pooja and my mom would sneak out of the kitchen for a brief time to offer her respect and then go back...i never wondered at that time on why she should not be part of this? I almost felt that as a routine and told my spouse to do the same...My dad would sincerely do the pooja while we kids would try to seat ourselves comfortably, offer our pranam to lord ganesha and try to do amateurish decorations with different flowers, leaves and grass...And once the aarthi is over, our favorite part of the festival would begin:story time...Ganesh chaturthi involves doing pooja like other festivals and then read the story of lord ganesha...It goes over how ganesha was born, the fight between the brothers for the honorary title, the rebirth of ganesha and then the much coveted samanthaka mani story...As kids, we wanted to read as much as possible, so samanthaka mani was our favorite story and there were verbal duels between us concerning that....my dad and mom had to play mediator there and carefully divide the story so that each one of us got equal share of the story...After reading the story to our hearts content, we would end the pooja with an aarthi, reading some slokas and wrap our pooja with a sumptous feast that my mom prepared.

I never wondered in all these years on how selfless my mom has been...she would do the toughest job of the day around cooking the dishes, cleaning them and yet never wanted any rewards...she never clamored to read the story nor do the pooja, but instead focussed on doing her duty without any ado...probably, that what ganesha wants me to realize on this auspicious day....remember the sacrifices made by your parents and respect them, upon which you will conquer the whole world  (did i say this used to be my favorite story?)

Omsairam and Jai ganesha!!!!

a nice poem from bigb

ALLAH knows what is best for us; So why should we complain
We always want the sunshine; But He knows there must be rain.

We always want laughter; and the merriment of cheer
but our heart will lose their tenderness; If we never shed a tear.

ALLAH tests us often; with suffering and sorrow
He tests us not to punish us; but to help us meet tomorrow.

For growing trees are strengthened; if they can withstand the storm
and the sharpness of the chisel; gave the marble its grace and form.

ALLAH tests us often; and for every pain he gives us
and provided we are patient; Is followed by rich gain.

So whenever we feel that; everything is going wrong
It is just ALLAH’S way to make our spirit strong.

http://bigb.bigadda.com/

morning time

I woke up early today which was surprising...it is a looong weekend and i'm supposed to sleep like crazy...somehow i got up and it was a bit negative...however, after brushing and a warm cup of cofee, i feel optimistic and filled with love for the entire universe...see, what wonders a nice cup of coffee does? There are times when u have that utopian feeling where the whole universe seems to be your family and you see the almighty in everyone...the world is full of smiling faces, eh? I know, this feeling is bound to get lost and eviscerate as the day goes along, but the very thought that such thoughts can arise gives you hope that life is not all that gory and may be, may be it is bearable...

Sometimes when things are bad, it is not a bad idea to walk away...after all, it does a whole lot of good to you and the other person...why hang around with your heart full of vengeance? Anyways, seems like bygones are bygones and i don't have any regret for what i have done and for what others have done to me...Thinking of which, an interesting thought arose in why things had to happen for the way they have happened to me..At least our belief in weekly baba visit has been growing stronger and at some level we feel that it was destined for us to come here because we could be in his court. I know it is cryptic to understand, but if you know me, you can understand this...may be there is no great material benefit, no professional advantage, but the very thought that i can see baba and feel his presence is like what, a thousand life's tapasya coming to fruition isn't it? Sometimes when my mood is negative and my mind is wavering, i try to think how it was in the 1890's in shirdi...very few people in shirdi and some of those seemingly normal people were seeing baba everyday oblivious to the fact that they were part of this growing phenomenon...i may not be that fortunate, but the very thought that u are able to be there to witness that transformation itself is amazing...I sincerely pray that whatever good deeds have made me come and see baba should help me continue doing that and instead of taking this as a spectacular event, my heart should undergo true transformation and change for the better...when i speak of change, it is not that i suddenly wake up being optimistic, smily and all, but more like, a unwavering faith in almighty, a bit of tolerance for others and the ability to see his hand in everything...This is what i would ask if i get to speak to baba.

Omsairam!