The bhajans were going on in the background. People were immersed in chanting the lord's name, the singer was authentic and at the top of his voice praising the lord's name and the dholak accompanied it merrily and was even overtaking the singer on some notes and it seemed to an outside observer, that fortunate must be those who could sit in that satsang and amidst that group of people, who all were so sincere and devoted to baba. Yet, if you observe closely, there was one unfortunate soul, who was having a hard time over there. Why shouldn't he have a hard time, after all he gave up after yet another failed attempt at meditation. He tried for forty long minutes in vain to focus on lord and eventually gave up.
He now has a mind that is in a self-flagellation mode and his feeble attempts in controlling it were simply not adequate. It questioned about what he had learnt after so many visits to the temple and why he was still not firm in devotion? It rebuked him about wasting such a wonderful oppurtunity, where he got to see the lord from such close quarters. His attempts at explaining that spiritual growth is an organic process and it takes a long time to grow fell upon deaf ears. The mind simply didn't give up. On top of that, along with self-flagellation, self introspection was thrusted upon him and he started noticing all the rough edges within him, that were previously hidden under the garb of ego.
For instance, he realized that the love and affection that seemed so natural to other devotees was almost alien to him. He didn't greet anyone in that satsang with an affectionate 'sairam' and was mostly quiet. He conveniently casted this quietness, which is typically associated with some sort of superiority complex or egoism to a philosopher's disinterest in worldy affairs. However, a philosopher doesn't covet worldly association, whereas he loves worldy affairs. His face lits up when someone comes and makes small talk to him. He covets to be talked to, enquired upon and may be praised.
As the self flagellation and self introspection were hand on hand, for the first time in his life, he realized how feeble he was. Technically, he was in a bhajan, but most of the time, his mind was occupied in worrying about worldly affairs. And to make matters worse, he had the knack of associating things with lowliness, that his mind couldn't grasp. He never could understand how people can cry at a bhajan or how they could shake all over while chanting the lord's name and hence he associated these things to a weak mind or some sort of outward show and pomp. Never did he even once ponder that it could happen because their hearts were overwhelming with love or that they could be feeling something that is way above than what normal minds could comprehend.
It was not that he was a bad person. He was genuine in his own way, except that he needed to be a bit more adaptable in his outlook. His worldly ways and his numbers game has no meaning in spiritual world and perhaps that was what he needed to learn, that god loves everyone equally and he needed to see the goodness of hearts, rather than over their weakness. Self flagellation was not a bad thing after all. It was nature's way of eliminating the dead and unwanted growth and providing an opportunity to grow something more positive and helpful.
Omsairam!
He now has a mind that is in a self-flagellation mode and his feeble attempts in controlling it were simply not adequate. It questioned about what he had learnt after so many visits to the temple and why he was still not firm in devotion? It rebuked him about wasting such a wonderful oppurtunity, where he got to see the lord from such close quarters. His attempts at explaining that spiritual growth is an organic process and it takes a long time to grow fell upon deaf ears. The mind simply didn't give up. On top of that, along with self-flagellation, self introspection was thrusted upon him and he started noticing all the rough edges within him, that were previously hidden under the garb of ego.
For instance, he realized that the love and affection that seemed so natural to other devotees was almost alien to him. He didn't greet anyone in that satsang with an affectionate 'sairam' and was mostly quiet. He conveniently casted this quietness, which is typically associated with some sort of superiority complex or egoism to a philosopher's disinterest in worldy affairs. However, a philosopher doesn't covet worldly association, whereas he loves worldy affairs. His face lits up when someone comes and makes small talk to him. He covets to be talked to, enquired upon and may be praised.
As the self flagellation and self introspection were hand on hand, for the first time in his life, he realized how feeble he was. Technically, he was in a bhajan, but most of the time, his mind was occupied in worrying about worldly affairs. And to make matters worse, he had the knack of associating things with lowliness, that his mind couldn't grasp. He never could understand how people can cry at a bhajan or how they could shake all over while chanting the lord's name and hence he associated these things to a weak mind or some sort of outward show and pomp. Never did he even once ponder that it could happen because their hearts were overwhelming with love or that they could be feeling something that is way above than what normal minds could comprehend.
It was not that he was a bad person. He was genuine in his own way, except that he needed to be a bit more adaptable in his outlook. His worldly ways and his numbers game has no meaning in spiritual world and perhaps that was what he needed to learn, that god loves everyone equally and he needed to see the goodness of hearts, rather than over their weakness. Self flagellation was not a bad thing after all. It was nature's way of eliminating the dead and unwanted growth and providing an opportunity to grow something more positive and helpful.
Omsairam!
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