Ah, i wish i was disciplined and orderly like my dad. This is the thought that pops into my head every now and then..my dad is my idol and i cannot but help try to compare myself to him and feel dwarfed around him. BTW, it is not his materialistic conquests that impress me or his outworld demeanor, but his inner demeanor is what i long for. I cannot but feel admiration and awe to recollect his daily life and see that he has maintained a very simple and a disciplined approach towards life. I feel i really need it.
This is by no means the dreaded military discipline where things are done through fear but a more wholesome discipline where the routine becomes a pleasure and things are done out of the love for balance and order. As a child, i had the pleasure of observing my dad who would always get up at a certain time, take bath at a certain time, eat at a certain time and then go through the various chores in a certain time. At my rebellious best, i argued that this was too monotonous and not becoming for me, but now i realize that being monotonous is a crucial experience to develop the inner stamina to transcend to higher levels. You might be wondering on what discipline do i crave for? Sadly, i crave for discipline at multiple levels and i wish i could atleast start the work in some.
First of all, i badly need to discipline my thought patterns. My mind is too much accustomed to drag me around with its unpredictable thought patterns and this seems to cause chaos in my life. There are many times it starts randomly throwing ideas and thoughts that seem to disrupt the regular routines and i always seem to be in this phase of looking for constant change. Change is good until certain limit and for the right reasons but change for the sake of change is bad. I seem to be the person who has the gift of finding faults and this seems to put in a state where i yearn for new things and new places more often that needed. I want to be able to contemplate on the need for change and make a settled decision rather than just running around. I want discipline to be able to control my mind, ponder over the ideas it throws at me and then make a calm, composed decision. Is that possible? i do not know.
The second area where i need discipline is around my spiritual practice. My dad has this habit of doing his prayer exactly 20 minutes every day both at morning and evening. I always felt that spirituality should not be bound by time. I scoffed at his prayers saying that they were to be coming from the heart and not by an alarm clock. However, i have realized that over a period of time, my heart thing doesn't seem to always work out. My heart seems to yearn for music and movies more than prayer. I can go on for not praying for many days and then one day i feel guilty and go about praying for an hour. The same body doesn;t seem to have any problem in keeping up with schedule around TV, food and other lower body desires but when it comes to meditation, it somehow doesn't seem to care much about. The worst part is that the guilt seems to be more powerful than my love for god. Dad, i was so wrong about you and i wish i could be like you when it comes to prayer, to be able to resist the temptations and focus on GOD.
What do i say now since i already said what i wanted? I don't know. This blog will perhaps be ended just like my thoughts with no real conclusion or aim. It will be just another arrow shot in the dark without any goal or aim and it perhaps will confuse you. You might be wondering why this was written or what purpose it serves, but, hey that is life. Not every thing has a purpose and not everyone will live to achieve their dreams. But, everyone has the right to take a shot at it and fail in doing so....
This is by no means the dreaded military discipline where things are done through fear but a more wholesome discipline where the routine becomes a pleasure and things are done out of the love for balance and order. As a child, i had the pleasure of observing my dad who would always get up at a certain time, take bath at a certain time, eat at a certain time and then go through the various chores in a certain time. At my rebellious best, i argued that this was too monotonous and not becoming for me, but now i realize that being monotonous is a crucial experience to develop the inner stamina to transcend to higher levels. You might be wondering on what discipline do i crave for? Sadly, i crave for discipline at multiple levels and i wish i could atleast start the work in some.
First of all, i badly need to discipline my thought patterns. My mind is too much accustomed to drag me around with its unpredictable thought patterns and this seems to cause chaos in my life. There are many times it starts randomly throwing ideas and thoughts that seem to disrupt the regular routines and i always seem to be in this phase of looking for constant change. Change is good until certain limit and for the right reasons but change for the sake of change is bad. I seem to be the person who has the gift of finding faults and this seems to put in a state where i yearn for new things and new places more often that needed. I want to be able to contemplate on the need for change and make a settled decision rather than just running around. I want discipline to be able to control my mind, ponder over the ideas it throws at me and then make a calm, composed decision. Is that possible? i do not know.
The second area where i need discipline is around my spiritual practice. My dad has this habit of doing his prayer exactly 20 minutes every day both at morning and evening. I always felt that spirituality should not be bound by time. I scoffed at his prayers saying that they were to be coming from the heart and not by an alarm clock. However, i have realized that over a period of time, my heart thing doesn't seem to always work out. My heart seems to yearn for music and movies more than prayer. I can go on for not praying for many days and then one day i feel guilty and go about praying for an hour. The same body doesn;t seem to have any problem in keeping up with schedule around TV, food and other lower body desires but when it comes to meditation, it somehow doesn't seem to care much about. The worst part is that the guilt seems to be more powerful than my love for god. Dad, i was so wrong about you and i wish i could be like you when it comes to prayer, to be able to resist the temptations and focus on GOD.
What do i say now since i already said what i wanted? I don't know. This blog will perhaps be ended just like my thoughts with no real conclusion or aim. It will be just another arrow shot in the dark without any goal or aim and it perhaps will confuse you. You might be wondering why this was written or what purpose it serves, but, hey that is life. Not every thing has a purpose and not everyone will live to achieve their dreams. But, everyone has the right to take a shot at it and fail in doing so....
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