Saturday, February 19, 2011

Crucifixion- part 2

Tip, Tip, Tip, the sound of trickling blood was clearly heard in that dungeon. The last bout of sadism displayed by the roman soldiers and jewish counterparts took its toll on this saint and he was laying there helplessly. His white robe was no longer white and it looked mostly red and his face had blood flowing all over it and since it has been flowing for ever, some of it solidified and there were clots at some places. Some roman soldier thought it would be a nice idea to put a crown on this self-proclaimed king of the jews and hence meticulously arranged a  crown with thorns on it, making sure that the thorns pierced into his skull. Inspite of all this, there was something serene about him and even in pathos, the sight calmed me and swept me away from the worldly desires. How do i describe this feeling? Shall i say, he looked like a rose with all the thorns around him? A rose that is not fresh, but a rose that is burdened by the thorns around it and a rose that is ready to lose its last petal to the cold winter, perhaps?

My blood boils when i think of the attroticities committed to this peace loving human being and how could one be so devilish? It is easy to think that the soldiers were messengers from hell, but sadly they are not. In fact, they would have believed at that very moment, that they were doing because their god said so. Surprised? Yes, we, human beings, the over zealous lot have taken upon ourselves to protect our God and sadly since we do not converge on one god, each one of us has to fight against each other and protect the "TRUE" and "ONE" god.  Perhaps, it is sad and fitting that more crimes were committed in the name of protecting God than anything else. Even if we think that satan sent the romans to kill jesus, what about those ignorant jews who willingly picked a thief and a murderer over this saint? No, this cannot be blamed upon satan or some other external being, but it should be blamed on this collective functioning of society, this organized religion and these ruthless rulers who misguide people and who never let them experience the true taste of freedom, lest that threaten their very existence.

The people of jerusalem chose a murderer over jesus and the roman chancellor was taken back. At that very moment, he gave up all hope and quietly walked back, leaving the people to their own fate. Barabbas was taken aback at this mysterious turn of events and he was rejoicing over his newly found freedom. He didn't bother to look back and who would blame him? The so called protectors of jewish religion rejoiced as their authority would go unquestioned and perhaps their so-called traditions would be upheld for a few more centuries. Why does this happen? When would the so called protectors of religion turn against it? Would they know and do it willingly or would they do it because they are so clueless? The roman soldiers gleefully dragged jesus away from the public and like vultures pouncing on carcass, they were ready to satiate their sadistic pleasures. And the public, clueless to what they had just done, went back to their ignorant self.

Amidst all this, one question would definitely arise.Where were the fans of jesus? Where were the followers of this king? Poof, Poof...All of them fled at that very moment, when the romans captured jesus. These apostles, who had the great fortune of being with this saint left him at the very moment when their faith and devotion would have been truly tested and perhaps shown a glimpse of their character to the world. And should they be blamed for their primal instincts taking over them when they could clearly see a dagger hanging over their head? The cowardice that took them over thankfully was swept away by their devotion and slowly it dawned upto them on what they had done and they started regrouping among themselves to discuss further course of action. Judas, the culprit who gave away the lord for a trifle had no such chance at redemption and he went and hung himself over a tree. Would history forgive him for the sin he had committed? Perhaps not.

Jesus barely uttered a word as the soldiers dragged him away. His robe which was beginning to look a little red was also being shredded away by the rocks and stones which were on the street. For the soldiers, this was a routine act since they were used to this scene every day. A few soldiers who were a little over zealous used some choicest abuses hurled at Jesus and a few more took the liberty of landing some punches and kicks onto his face and his stomach. Granted that he was a saint, but he had to go through the pain, the abuse and the humiliation for no fault of his own. Was his devotion tested? Did he even for a split second wonder on why this was happening to him? Did he ever question on why he was being made the sacrificial lamb? I have no answer to this and the only person who could answer this is the man himself. Regardless of what happened, this sort of cruelty which bordered on sadism went on for the next few hours and sadly this was not the worst of the crimes committed on this saint. The best was saved for the last and my heart shudders on what else could they do to torture him?

(to be continued)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Discipline

Ah, i wish i was disciplined and orderly like my dad. This is the thought that pops into my head every now and then..my dad is my idol and i cannot but help try to compare myself to him and feel dwarfed around him. BTW,  it is not his materialistic conquests that impress me or his outworld demeanor, but his inner demeanor is what i long for. I cannot but feel admiration and awe to recollect his daily life and see that he has maintained a very simple and a disciplined approach towards life. I feel i really need it.

This is by no means the dreaded military discipline where things are done through fear but a more wholesome discipline where the routine becomes a pleasure and things are done out of the love for balance and order. As a child, i had the pleasure of observing my dad who would always get up at a certain time, take bath at a certain time, eat at a certain time and then go through the various chores in a certain time. At my rebellious best, i argued that this was too monotonous and not becoming for me, but now i realize that being monotonous is a crucial experience to develop the inner stamina to transcend to higher levels. You might be wondering on what discipline do i crave for? Sadly, i crave for discipline at multiple levels and i wish i could atleast start the work in some.

First of all, i badly need to discipline my thought patterns. My mind is too much accustomed to drag me around with its unpredictable thought patterns and this seems to cause chaos in my life. There are many times it starts randomly throwing ideas and thoughts that seem to disrupt the regular routines and i always seem to be in this phase of looking for constant change. Change is good until certain limit and for the right reasons but change for the sake of change is bad. I seem to be the person who has the gift of finding faults and this seems to put in a state where i yearn for new things and new places more often that needed. I want to be able to contemplate on the need for change and make a settled decision rather than just running around. I want discipline to be able to control my mind, ponder over the ideas it throws at me and then make a calm, composed decision. Is that possible? i do not know.

The second area where i need discipline is around my spiritual practice. My dad has this habit of doing his prayer exactly 20 minutes every day both at morning and evening. I always felt that spirituality should not be bound by time. I scoffed at his prayers saying that they were to be coming from the heart and not by an alarm clock. However, i have realized that over a period of time, my heart thing doesn't seem to always work out. My heart seems to yearn for music and movies more than prayer. I can go on for not praying for many days and then one day i feel guilty and go about praying for an hour. The same body doesn;t seem to have any problem in keeping up with schedule around TV, food and other lower body desires but when it comes to meditation, it somehow doesn't seem to care much about. The worst part is that the guilt seems to be more powerful than my love for god. Dad, i was so wrong about you and i wish i could be like you when it comes to prayer, to be able to resist the temptations and focus on GOD.


What do i say now since i already said what i wanted? I don't know. This blog will perhaps be ended just like my thoughts with no real conclusion or aim. It will be just another arrow shot in the dark without any goal or aim and it perhaps will confuse you. You might be wondering why this was written or what purpose it serves, but, hey that is life. Not every thing has a purpose and not everyone will live to achieve their dreams. But, everyone has the right to take a shot at it and fail in doing so....