(an older post of mine dated 3/11/2006 that i found while digging through stuff)
This Christmas I asked Santa, for a present. I asked for something that I have never asked before. I asked for something that is actually good for me, I asked for something that I should have asked 20 years go. I asked Santa to make “God’s will my will”. This sounds simple, doesn’t it? But, within a week, I have realized that it isn’t picnic time and this is the hardest thing anyone can live.
You may be wondering, why is this hard? Shouldn’t it be easy since god is going to make all the decisions and all I have to do is simply follow them? That’s where the problem lies. I’ve been used to being a dictator all my life, making all my decisions and being answerable to none. But, now every action I take is answerable to GOD and even worse, I have to think it out before I take any action.
Another thing I realized is what will happen if GOD’s will for me is choose rags over riches, hell over heaven and defeat over victory? What if GOD wants me to sacrifice my career and money? What if GOD wants me to sacrifice all my dreams and aspirations?
What if GOD wants me to be a simple gutala not the popular Jerry Seinfeld or chandler bing, I always wanted to be? I seriously cursed myself for asking this. For I thought that what use is my life if I cannot be someone special? I lost interest in everything. I couldn’t bear the thought of me working hard to realize my goals and suddenly finding one day that GOD’s will is something different. The very thought of relinquishing my dreams seemed unbearable to me.
I thought that I will modify my wish such that “I will follow GOD’s will only when they are not in direct conflict with my dreams and the things that will be listed”. U know, prepare a 20-page license agreement and make GOD just click on a one word “I agree” column. But, you know he actually reads those documents. I tried reasoning with him. God, I know you want me to be happy and I will be happy if I get this wish fulfilled, which means You want my wish to be fulfilled. I tried bribing GOD: If you let my wish to be fulfilled, I’ll go to the church and feed 20 hungry people, as if GOD was waiting for me to feed them. I also tried to be the pampered kid, I will not come to church unless you give me this. Yes, Mr.Right is needed in the church. But, even though I was clinging on to my dreams, there was a voice that kept on screaming “This is not right. Ask for GOD’s mercy and love. You had all kinds of stuff before but you were never happy. “
As I realized that none of these strategies will work with GOD. May be they would have but I didn’t want to pursue them. I felt sad about my choices in life. I asked GOD for such a wonderful thing and when the time came, here I was trying to pick these rags when GOD was offering me an Armani suit. I truly understood the meaning of “pearls before swine”, of course me being the PIG. I decided that no matter how painful it is I will relinquish everything inc. my dreams for obeying GOD’s will. I’ll without any hesitation choose defeat over victory, hell over heaven, rags over riches, if that’s GODs will for me. For what victory is victory if it doesn’t get me closer to GOD, for what place is heaven if it doesn’t have GOD in it, and for what value is money, if it takes me away from GOD. I decided that no dream is worth pursuing if it comes in between me and GOD. No matter how painful it is, I decided that obeying GOD’s will is my utmost priority in life. And the greatest thing is that GOD has to give me strength in obeying his life, for I, myself cannot do that on my own.
A month passed by and I have come to realize that following GOD’s will is not painful and negative but in fact it is a most optimistic experience I ever had. I’ve come to understood that following God’s will does not mean that I have to give up my dreams and aspirations. In fact, I’m pursuing them more aggressively than I did my entire life. But there is a difference now. Earlier, I pursued my goals for my own gratification but now I pursue my goals as a tribute to the almighty, for guiding me and protecting me. Earlier, I couldn’t stand the thought of not realizing my dreams as my life seemed to be a total waste. But, now If I don’t realize my goal, that’s fine, for that is the will of GOD for me. And if a stage comes where if GOD wants me to sacrifice my dream, I’ll be happy to do that.
Let the lord be praised for my strengths and weaknesses,
Let the lord be glorified by my success and failures,
Let the lord get all praise for my efforts.
No comments:
Post a Comment