When plans dont work

The title says it all...i started with a plan A and a plan B as the backup, but up till now, both of them have been ruled out..now, im nurturing plan C and plan D, but it is too early to comment on...why does this happen? This whole planning thingy falling on its face...In such a scenario, what should a man do? stop planning? going with the flow, eh? Isn't that tough? i cant go with a flow when i have bills to pay and leases to sign? Can't tell them...why don't you go with the flow? Why do i need to sign a lease? let us just go with the flow....can't do that, can i?

Anyways, April has really been a night-marish month for me...tooth aches, career pains, insurance problems, what the hell...all i can do is to hope that may and the rest of the year will not torment me the same way as it did in this time of the year...Did i learn something from this? Of course yes, it is another matter on whether i will remember any of this later :-)

a) follow god's will, no matter how it difficult it seems.

b) Never LIE...try to face the truth.

enough of bad mouthing the folks i hatee...let me just say, whatever has happened is for my god and just move on....well, thats the spirit...let me see if i can retain that

Learn to embrace the winter

It is spring time here, but it already feels like winter too me...In less than 3 weeks, i feel like i have shifted from being a conqueror to a beggar...How ephimeral life is? One day, you feel like u are at the top of the earth and the next you feel like u are amongst the lowly vermin...How much of a change in such a small time frame? Well, if you enjoyed the summer to the fullest, then you should definitely be ready to suffer in the winter...besides, suffering is good for you, it makes u realize how vulnerable you truly are and how pointless this whole exercise is...Things are not really as bad as they seem...honestly, nothing has changed...from a realistic perspective, everything is the same...the same old job, the same old life., but something, some thought process, some way of thinking that used to be expansive has turned restrictive...Is this what happens when you focus on security than creativity? Anyways, sometimes, it is better to embrace the change than trying to avoid it...This means winter seems to be horizon, lots of snow, lots of cold storms, so all i can do is to embrace it rather than trying to fend it off.

life unplugged

dont know...whats happening in my life...every day is changing and every day a new thing is popping up...why does this always happen to me? why cannot i just decide on something and just go with it? why does any thing that i want is not given to me easily? isn't it ironic that destiny tries to turn your dreams into reality and then at the last moment when it is close to reality, it plays the spoilsport and washes away everything...what use is then to strive for something, to aspire for higher states, when none of those materialize...is life all about hoping for the next best thing, striving to become that thing and then see that the thing u yearned for has been crumbled into pieces because of destiny? Is this the meaning of life? what good is money or what good is fame if it doesn't let you become what you want to be? what good are those friends and mentors who cannot help you get up after you fall down? what good are those so-called care takers when they run away at the time of peril? and what good is that GOD that tries to ascertain his supremacy simply by making you feel helpless? There is nothing in the world that helps you and there is nothing in the world that destroys you...there is ONLY you...just like you were born in this planet alone crying, so will you leave this mortal frame in the same state...the rest of the time is an illusion, a web designed to entangle you with desires and choke you down...

The day after

Alright! it ended well...regardless of the result, i felt i did a decent job at what happened..however, now, i'm anxiously awaiting the RESULTS now...I expected something to be out today, but that didn't happen...so, i think, sometime early next week, i will get to know the results..whatever, the result, i didn't want bridges to burn down, but seems like the burning has already started, big time...Of course, i didn't start it, but someone did and i had to feel guilty today...That is one question that is tormenting me...In a capitalistic world, why should someone be bothered by loyalty? Is someone giving me an extra morsel for being loyal? Is someone advancing my career for sticking it out here? IMO, the answer is NO...in such a scenario, what use is loyalty? Is it just a phrase that BIG guys throw it out once in a while to cheat the little guys? I dont know..but there were bouts of questions arousing within me about whether what i was doing was right or wrong..however, no questions were resolved and i was back to the familiar theme of life so far: CONFUSION.

Whether the change is for good or for bad, i don't know...but i do that changes are coming big time and all i can do is to go with them.

Amen!