I grew up listening to mahabharata from my grand mother and at those times i could only relate to bheem or krishna. I never liked the duryodhan or the karan and pretty much picturized their characters as black without any other shades. In college days, i had the good fortune of reading the prayopavesham scene where duryodhan decides to end his life since panchali laughed at him and how shakuni and the rest try to divert his mind. This helped me to see outside of the blackness in their characters and probably provided me a glimpse into the humanness of their characters. I felt, alright, they too are like me, they are human and they are swayed by emotions. There are probably many such instances where i made a zillion mistakes inspite of knowing what is right and yet i was helpless in doing the right thing and so i could relate to them. However, i was never able to relate to dhrutharasthra and i always felt he was the reason for the war and probably he could have avoided it, if only he had put his foot down for his child's hankering.
As thoughts wander and i have reached a stage in life where i might become a father in the next few years i have started to delve into how dhritharastra would have felt and how he succumbed to his blind folded love for his kids. It was not his physical blindness but his mental blindness to his kids short comings and his inability to correct them was the reason for the destruction of the entire kuru lineage. Probably dhritharastra should serve as a lesson to any father on how to not let your love consume you and deviate you from the path of dharm. I'll try to scribble my thoughts down here and hopefully you can make some sense out of it.
Dhritharasthra was blind from birth and this came in the way of him becoming the king and hence the kingdom was ruled by his 'younger' brother. This sense of shame and humiliation pained him, but destiny had other plans for him. His brother had to accede the throne and he was made king instead. This must have roused his ambitions again and probably he would have told himself that he would never let this happen to his own kids. A simple thought, but in the context of everything that had happened, this was a poisonous seed that brought down the hastinapur down.
A lot of us think in the same way that our kids should not go through what we did or that we should not make them suffer. There is nothing wrong in that but how we convey this to them or how we handle ourselves when they are subjected to suffering and most importantly what we impart to them at the time of suffering alters their life. It is a known fact that kids try to emulate their parents and if the parents don't set a good example, they are either left onto their own or worse that they try to follow the parents. Duryodhan should have seen his father worrying about his kingdom and his own insecurities at this brother and he must have imbibed it. Of course, it is not always that kids try to their parents blindly as can be observed in the case of prahlad, who veered away from the path of destruction since his childhood, but most of the vulnerable ones do and hence the parents should try to set a good example for their kids and this has to come from within since you cannot be an actor all the time. I don't want to give the impression that you have to be a walking self-help book in front of the kid, but has to be an inner transformation. We are all human but if we were to become a better version of what we previously were is what makes the kid to look up to.
Secondly, dhrutharasthra always compared his kids to his brothers kids. They might look as seemingly innocent but he was always afraid that if his kid was not stronger then the same thing that happened to him. Another seemingly harmless act, but the impression that lasted on duryodhan has been everlasting. All his life, duryodhan wanted to aggressive and assertive about his ambitions and in the process he harbored hatred and ill will towards his cousins. The hatred grew upon itself and in the end led to his own destruction. A lesson for all parents is to give up that inherent need for your kid to be better than the rest. Your kid doesn't have to be the BEST kid on the block either in studies or sports or in manners. As a parent, you should not try to let your own in securites onto the kid. This doesn't mean you let them have their way but it should be about not putting any pressure on them to do certain things or act in a certain behavior. As a parent, remember that you will NOT always be next to the kid and this means that they need to learn what is good v/s what is bad and a parent should be a guide who teaches them through their actions or advise about the right choices and then give them the freedom to act upon their own. This will pain you if the kids don't act as you wish them to be, but in the long run, they are well equipped to handle themselves.
Thirdly, dhrutharastra didn't put his foot down when he had to. This is quite contrary to what i wrote in the above para, but this is what life is all about. The ability to take conflicting advise and apply it as necessary. When duryodhan insisted that he wanted to go war with pandavas or when he wanted to uncloth draupadi, dhrustharastra should have followed dharma. Even if he lost the difference between right and wrong, he was aptly remonstrated by the virtuous vidhura and the almighty krishna. Probably, this is a great piece of advise for anyone of us, to be able to make dharma (righteousness) as the anchor of our lives. There will be times when we will be distracted by jealously, greed or ambition but evaluating each choice or action based on dharma is what will give us the ability to be not swayed away like dhritharasthra. Once dharma shows us the way, we need to have the courage and the mental strength to not let be blindfolded by love and do the right thing. Even though it pains your own, it is for their own good in the long run. Just like a kid who refuses to take the bitter medicine and cries incessantly, we may need to act tough for their own good.
Dhritharastra's life should serve as an example for any parent to never abandon the path of righteousness for your loved ones lest in the end you are left alone to remind you of your misgivings.
